Nail Flirting

Between the hours of 9am-6pm I don’t have the time to do anything but write press releases, stalk reporters on Twitter, pitch out 56 clients and internally debate whether I’d be better off in Panem’s District 12 (Lionsgate, hook it up). SO, when the nailpolish on one of my fingers chips, it can literally send me over the edge because I start thinking about NOT having the time to go get a manicure.

Because God listens to my useless prayers, he created Sally Hansen Salon Effects – stickers that you rub on your nails and stay on for up to 10 days. They are super easy to use and I recommend you click on the hyperlink above bc I'm not giving you instructions.

Things I do in a 10 day cycle:

• Threaten to commit suicide 105 times due to work-related stress (I absolutely don't mean it...right now)
• Consider getting knocked up by a random rich dude so can I can have a cute, obese baby AND not have to work anymore…only to be snapped back to reality by day 3 – that would mean no drinking for about a year
• Check Instagram 90 times
• Question whether or not I should have liked 2 or more pictures in 5 min. intervals
• Realize I hate everything in my closet only to decide a day later that I can mix and match everything and make cute new outfits I will never wear because I spend 90% of my time at work – made up of 99% bitches (aka wonderful ladies)
• Convince myself I can wear red lipstick then realize I look like this:

"Do you want my business card?"

But I digress.  Aside from saving you tons of time, they only run you about $9 and my favorite part – everyone has something nice to say about them. I have had dozens of people compliment me – in the street, on the train, grocery store, airport, hair salon, DUDES AT BARS (all my single ladies) – every time I have these on. D sized boobs on a gargantuan supermodel couldn’t even distract an old man from noticing my “snazzy nails” at LAX last week – true story.


If you haven’t tried these, please go to your local Rite-Aid, CVS, Walgreens, etc. to purchase them as soon as your eyeballs roll of this page so I don't have to stare at your ugly chipped nails ever again.

- Penny

   

 I got lazy here but the one nail adds some flare, non?